Archive for April, 2008

China Agrees to RPS to Resolve Conflict in Tibet

April 1, 2008
Sun Jiazheng

Reuters News has reported that Buddhist monks from the Institute of Buddhist Dialectics, based in Dharamsala, India have agreed to settle the ongoing conflicts between Chinese soldiers and the people of Tibet by playing Rock, Paper Scissors.

Tenzin Lopal Phayla of the Institute of Buddhist Dialectics is ready to play Chinese Minister of Culture, Sun Jiazheng in an online game of Rocks, Paper Scissors. The best two out of three Rocks, Paper Scissors will take plane on Tuesday April 1, 2008 in Amsterdam. Based on the outcome, the Chinese will either withdraw all their soldiers from Tibet or Tibetans will agree to lead a peaceful procession towards repossession of their ancient homelands by the Chinese government soldiers currently in the capital of Tibet.

The game will take place on Tuesday, April 1, 2008 in Amsterdam under the watchful eyes and monitoring of a group of Mexican and Syrian officials under the guidance of the United Nations. The game will begin with a prayer. It is rumored that as many as 5,000 Buddhist Monks will be chanting for peace while the Chinese will be hoping to continue their crackdown and victory over the Tibetans. The monks from the Institute of Buddhist Dialectics will also be involved in an ongoing hunger strike to emphasis their plight. Their hope is that this will bring world attention to the fact that China is no longer able to produce enough food to feed its people let alone the people of Tibet. It is also reported that Tenzin Lopal Phayla has been studying Rock, Paper Scissors Strategies that will result in a quick victory over their Chinese counterparts. It is not known how much experience Sun Jiazheng has playing Rock, Paper Scissors other than watching his sons play it.

After the games, the monks are planning to hold a peace march to appeal international community to support Tibetan people’s rightful and nonviolent struggle and help accomplish their goal of returning back to their motherland rather than be joined to China. If there is to be any annexing of Tibet, the Buddhist monks have expressed interested in becoming a colony of Belgium.

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World Wide Cleaning of Internet

April 1, 2008

TO: All Internet Users

From: Dr. Harold Davidson
Manager, Interconnected Network Maintenance Staff
Information Technology
Central Texas University
Killeen Texas

Subject: Internet Cleaning

PLEASE PASS THIS MESSAGE ON TO OTHER USERS!

As many of you know, each year since 2000 the internet must be shut down for a period of 24 hours in order to allow it to be cleaned. This is a direct result of some much internet traffic. The cleaning process, which eliminates dead e-mails and inactive ftp, www and gopher sites, allows for a better working and faster internet for everyone world wide.

This year, the responsibility for this cleaning process falls on Central Texas University. The cleaning will take place from 12:01 AM CST on April 1 until 12:01 PM CST on April 1, 2008. During that time 12 hour period, five very powerful Japanese built multi-lingual internet-crawling robots (Toshiba ML-2274H21) situated around the world will search the internet and delete any data that they find. There will be a sixth computer located at the Johnson Space Center in Houston Texas that will also be involved.

In order to protect all your valuable data and programs from deletion we ask that you do the following:
1. Disconnect all terminals and local area networks from their local internet connections.
2. Shut down all internet servers or disconnect them from the internet.
3. Disconnect all disks and hard drives from any connections to the internet.
4. Refrain from connecting any computer to the internet in any way.
5. Avoid placing operating microwave ovens or toaster ovens near any computer modems.
6. Avoid wearing any nylon (or other dielectric fibre) undergarments because of the
possibility of electric discharge and resulting injury.
7. Turn off all radios within 7 feet of your computer.

We understand the inconvenience that this brief interruption of service may cause some internet uses and we apologize for this. However, we are certain that any inconvenience will be more than made up for by the increased speed and efficiency of the internet once it has been cleared of electronic flotsam and jetsam.

We thank you for your cooperation

Dr. Harold Davidson
Manager, Interconnected Network Maintenance Staff
Information Technology
Central Texas University
Killeen, TX

Sysops and others: Since the last internet cleaning, the number of internet users has grown dramatically. There are now over 18.9 billion users connected to the internet at any one time. Please assist us in alerting the public of the upcoming internet cleaning by posting this message where all users will be able to read it. Please pass this message on to other sysops and internet users as well. Thank you.